I Don’t Want To Be A Girl Forever
I saw a TikTok the other day about perpetual girlhood, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
The idea was simple: in a lot of cultures, there’s a clear moment where a girl becomes a woman—not just by age, but by recognition, by meaning, by transition. And I realized that the point she was making was actually very true. We don’t really have that.
The In-Between
We have milestones—turning 18, turning 21—but none of those moments actually mean anything beyond the surface. They change small things, like, okay, I’m 21, now I can drink. But nobody tells you what’s changed beyond that. So you literally just keep going. And somehow, you end up grown—but still feeling like a girl.
I’m 24, and I know I’m a woman. But I’d be lying if I said I always feel like one. I still get confused in situations I feel like I should understand by now. I still second-guess myself in moments where I feel like I should be more sure of what I’m doing.
As a young Black woman, I feel like that gap is even more complicated. Because on one hand, a lot of us are expected to grow up faster. We’re put in positions where we have to take on responsibility early, where we have to be aware, be strong, be mature before we even fully understand what that means. But at the same time… nobody is really sitting us down and explaining how to become anything.
At least, that’s how it felt for me. I don’t feel like there was ever a clear moment where someone said, “This is how you step into womanhood. This is how you carry it. This is what it looks like in real life.”
And I think about my mom, too. It doesn’t feel like she had that either. She had to grow up fast, figure things out as she went, and just keep moving. So it becomes this cycle. You’re expected to be grown, but you’re not necessarily guided into it.
And because of that, you end up in this weird in-between space—where you know you have responsibilities, you know you’re not a child anymore…but you still feel like a girl in so many ways.
The Comfort of “I’m Just a Girl”
After seeing that TikTok, I kept coming back to one thing: “I’m just a girl.” That phrase would not leave my mind.
Because when I really thought about it, I started thinking about all the times I’ve used it. And it’s usually not random. It’s when I’m avoiding something, when I’m being a little lazy, when I’m choosing what feels good in the moment over what actually makes sense. Sometimes even when I’m being a little delusional.
And it’s not that deep in the moment—it’s funny, it’s light, it’s just how we talk. But looking back, it does say something. Not something negative. Just something real.
Because there’s nothing wrong with girlhood. There’s nothing wrong with being young, having fun, being soft, being a little unserious sometimes. That’s a part of life.
Aging is Becoming
Somewhere along the way, I feel like we forgot about the beauty of aging. The beauty of having more experiences. Of knowing yourself better. Of becoming more grounded, more certain, more defined. The beauty of just living long enough to grow into yourself.
That’s a blessing. And I don’t think we talk about it like that anymore.
Instead, everything is centered around staying young. Staying in that “girl” phase. Being carefree, being outside, being “just a girl,” being a “young hoe,” being turnt—it’s all fun, and it is fun. But it’s also all very… temporary.
And then I think about older women—especially Black women—who have lived through so much, who have experienced life in a way we haven’t yet. Women in their 50s, their 60s, who carry themselves with a certain level of confidence and calm that you can’t fake. There’s a beauty there that isn’t loud or performative.
And I wonder what happened to celebrating that. What happened to looking forward to that version of ourselves? To the idea that aging isn’t something to avoid—but something to grow into?
Maybe it’s still there. Maybe it’s just not what’s being pushed or aestheticized.
There’s nothing wrong with girlhood. I love girlhood. I just don’t want to live in it forever.